Just in case you were wondering, the male praying mantis is eaten by the female after the female is impregnated.
This reminds me of a funny story.
2 Praying mantis are sitting in a bar. The one praying mantis says, "I heard you were going to be a father again, Congratulations!". The second praying mantis replies, "Thanks, I am really happy." The first praying mantis continues the conversation: "So, do you think it will be a boy or a girl?". The second praying mantis, "Why do I give a shit! I'm getting eaten tomorrow."
Happy Spring time. I truly hope it's not snowing where you are at.
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Accident, Or Invention
Just in case you were wondering, Frito's, the heaviest of all the salted snack treats, can be used to create beautiful designs in your concrete staining.
I was watching a show on TLC where couples would buy houses, decorate some rooms to their tastes, and then the previous owners would see what they did. Some contractors were working with some concrete stain for a design in the kitchen. To add some texture to the stain, they crushed up some Frito's over the concrete before they applied the acidic stain. The grease in the chips absorbed the acid and created some random colorization in the application. It looked great. I was marveled by the creativity that was applied to this effort.
It then occurred to me. How the hell did they come across this technique. I think there are some creative people out there, but I don't believe for a second that someone actually thought of this in strategic manner.
Contractor:
"Hey boss, maybe if a crunch up the Frito's onto the concrete, we'll get some really neat effect."
Or maybe it happened like the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup discovery.
Contractor 1:
"Hey, your Frito fell into my acid stain."
Contractor 2:
"Hey, your acid stain fell onto my Frito."
Nope. This idea had to be an accident.
Which is the case for many of the inventions that are commonly used today. Cheese, Frisbees, Chips, Coca-Cola, and Popsicles were all accidents. I personally believe these people should be called out when they brag about there discovery.
Cheese Inventor:
"Hey! I invented cheese!"
Me:
"Bull crap, you traveled across the Arabian desert and the milk you put in your sheep stomach pouch curdled into a bloated lump of bacteria. It was an accident."
My personal favorite is the story behind the discovery of Viagra. Viagra started out as a treatment for Hypertension when it was observed that the subjects that were taking the drug would have prolonged erections. What I would give to have been in the room for that discovery:
Simon Campbell (Chief Scientist from Pfizer)
"Nope, the Hypertension is still there, but holy crap look at this thing! It's been like that for 2 hours."
Anyway, I think you get the point. So take this away with you. Be wary of the next accident you have, it may be the next greatest invention, like the cure for baldness or bad judgement. And if it is, I would like to be your first customer.
I was watching a show on TLC where couples would buy houses, decorate some rooms to their tastes, and then the previous owners would see what they did. Some contractors were working with some concrete stain for a design in the kitchen. To add some texture to the stain, they crushed up some Frito's over the concrete before they applied the acidic stain. The grease in the chips absorbed the acid and created some random colorization in the application. It looked great. I was marveled by the creativity that was applied to this effort.
It then occurred to me. How the hell did they come across this technique. I think there are some creative people out there, but I don't believe for a second that someone actually thought of this in strategic manner.
Contractor:
"Hey boss, maybe if a crunch up the Frito's onto the concrete, we'll get some really neat effect."
Or maybe it happened like the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup discovery.
Contractor 1:
"Hey, your Frito fell into my acid stain."
Contractor 2:
"Hey, your acid stain fell onto my Frito."
Nope. This idea had to be an accident.
Which is the case for many of the inventions that are commonly used today. Cheese, Frisbees, Chips, Coca-Cola, and Popsicles were all accidents. I personally believe these people should be called out when they brag about there discovery.
Cheese Inventor:
"Hey! I invented cheese!"
Me:
"Bull crap, you traveled across the Arabian desert and the milk you put in your sheep stomach pouch curdled into a bloated lump of bacteria. It was an accident."
My personal favorite is the story behind the discovery of Viagra. Viagra started out as a treatment for Hypertension when it was observed that the subjects that were taking the drug would have prolonged erections. What I would give to have been in the room for that discovery:
Simon Campbell (Chief Scientist from Pfizer)
"Nope, the Hypertension is still there, but holy crap look at this thing! It's been like that for 2 hours."
Anyway, I think you get the point. So take this away with you. Be wary of the next accident you have, it may be the next greatest invention, like the cure for baldness or bad judgement. And if it is, I would like to be your first customer.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Dirty Sign Language
Just in case you were wondering, in sign language, there is a sign for poop or bowel movement. Don't get me wrong, I am not entirely immature, there is some backbone to this post other than potty humor.
The setting is mass, at our local Catholic Church. The pastor began his homily like he did every Sunday. I pay attention to his stories, he has charisma about him that makes his stories stick to the congregation. This particular homily would stick to minds for the ages to come.
He described a bus full of missionaries that traveled through Zanesville, OH providing communion to the disabled, a very noble cause. The story continued. The pastor described a parishioner who had unfortunately stepped in "doggy doo" (his words). That poor parishioner was then forced to get on the bus and embarrassingly bestow upon his church community the smell of his shoes.
And then, the pastor attempted a biblical parallel. He described that Jesus has also, stepped in "doggy poo", by accepting responsibility for all of our sins. My jaw - dropped - open.
It was humorous enough that this pastor, who possesses a demeanor that can captivate all, is now talking about poo. Then, he suggests that Jesus has also stepped in poo. I mean think about it, Can you picture the Lord our Saviour, scraping his sandles over a rock to get the crap off. If all that was not enough for my suppressed laughter to get the best of me, I noticed that there was a sign language expert for the hearing impaired. I was paying close attention to what she was signing and who she was signing to. What was this expert going to do when the pastor uttered poo again
Side note:
If I was giving this homily I would have refrained from using such heavily guarded and adolescent words like poo or doo. I would have used words like sewer snake or pound cake. But that is probably why I am not a religious leader.
As I was listening to this, I was asking myself, "Is there a sign for poo, or crap?", "Are these people, whom cannot hear, going to think that this denomination has lost it's bird?", and "How have I stepped in poo in my life?" (metaphorically of course, I have stepped in crap for real enough in my life that I have lost count).
So, to satisfy my curiosity, I had to look and see if there was indeed a sign for poo. And, there is.
It's a 2 motion sign, the first motion is to have a clenched fist as one hand, and the the other hand fanned out underneath.
The second motion is to take the fanned out hand and throw it downward swiftly. And there you have it, crapping in sign language.
Oh, and my proclamation at the start of this entry, you know, that I am not immature. Well, we all know that I am full of (see sign language above).
The setting is mass, at our local Catholic Church. The pastor began his homily like he did every Sunday. I pay attention to his stories, he has charisma about him that makes his stories stick to the congregation. This particular homily would stick to minds for the ages to come.
He described a bus full of missionaries that traveled through Zanesville, OH providing communion to the disabled, a very noble cause. The story continued. The pastor described a parishioner who had unfortunately stepped in "doggy doo" (his words). That poor parishioner was then forced to get on the bus and embarrassingly bestow upon his church community the smell of his shoes.
And then, the pastor attempted a biblical parallel. He described that Jesus has also, stepped in "doggy poo", by accepting responsibility for all of our sins. My jaw - dropped - open.
It was humorous enough that this pastor, who possesses a demeanor that can captivate all, is now talking about poo. Then, he suggests that Jesus has also stepped in poo. I mean think about it, Can you picture the Lord our Saviour, scraping his sandles over a rock to get the crap off. If all that was not enough for my suppressed laughter to get the best of me, I noticed that there was a sign language expert for the hearing impaired. I was paying close attention to what she was signing and who she was signing to. What was this expert going to do when the pastor uttered poo again
Side note:
If I was giving this homily I would have refrained from using such heavily guarded and adolescent words like poo or doo. I would have used words like sewer snake or pound cake. But that is probably why I am not a religious leader.
As I was listening to this, I was asking myself, "Is there a sign for poo, or crap?", "Are these people, whom cannot hear, going to think that this denomination has lost it's bird?", and "How have I stepped in poo in my life?" (metaphorically of course, I have stepped in crap for real enough in my life that I have lost count).
So, to satisfy my curiosity, I had to look and see if there was indeed a sign for poo. And, there is.
It's a 2 motion sign, the first motion is to have a clenched fist as one hand, and the the other hand fanned out underneath.The second motion is to take the fanned out hand and throw it downward swiftly. And there you have it, crapping in sign language.
Oh, and my proclamation at the start of this entry, you know, that I am not immature. Well, we all know that I am full of (see sign language above).
Never Under Estimate Your 5 Year Old
Just in case you were wondering, you should never under estimate what your 5 year old is capable of. As a parent, it becomes harder every day to see your babies grow up and start becoming more and more like an adult. Then, when you feel that your baby girl has stopped growing up, she saves your family from being locked in the basement all day.
That's correct, my oldest, the pioneer of the Household Lollipop League helped my wife and youngest daughter out of a locked basement. They were playing in the basement for a while and then realized that the upstairs door was locked from the outside. The oldest, much to the surprise of my wife, suggested that her mother push her out the window of the basement and come back into the house from the garage. Her plan was to open the garage door with the keypad and then come into the house and open the basement door. All she needed was a chair to reach the keypad on the garage door.
She then proceeded to execute her plan to - a - T.
She was very proud of her accomplishments, and she told her story with an electric enthusiasm. You see, it made me realize that there is a world of potential that is begging to be released in these children's lives. All they need is the right opportunity and unconditional support
So the next time your young child asks to be the hero, make sure that you give them the chance. Their reaction to the accomplishment is quite rewarding.
That's correct, my oldest, the pioneer of the Household Lollipop League helped my wife and youngest daughter out of a locked basement. They were playing in the basement for a while and then realized that the upstairs door was locked from the outside. The oldest, much to the surprise of my wife, suggested that her mother push her out the window of the basement and come back into the house from the garage. Her plan was to open the garage door with the keypad and then come into the house and open the basement door. All she needed was a chair to reach the keypad on the garage door.
She then proceeded to execute her plan to - a - T.
She was very proud of her accomplishments, and she told her story with an electric enthusiasm. You see, it made me realize that there is a world of potential that is begging to be released in these children's lives. All they need is the right opportunity and unconditional support
So the next time your young child asks to be the hero, make sure that you give them the chance. Their reaction to the accomplishment is quite rewarding.
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